Farts on a Plane!
Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherf***ing farts on this motherf***ing plane! – Samuel L. Jackson
OK, we’ve all been there…30,000 feet, and somebody nearby rips one. And, it stinks. And, you’re basically stuck living in it for the 5 to 60 seconds it takes to dissipate. And, you’re wondering to yourself, “why did this guy basically just crap himself in the middle of this flying test-tube???”
- Samuel L. Jackson assumes farting position. Notice how all other passengers have cleared out!
Here’s the real truth about farts on a plane.
Pros:
- Statistically, most of the farts are ripped when people are sitting. This limits “fart mobility”, and also the “waft factor”
- Planes have a very low level of humidity. This helps the fart disappate quickly. If you’ve ever farted in a hot shower, or sauna, you know how high levels of humidity can turn a run-of-the-mill fart into Mt. Vesuvius and Three Mile Island all rolled into one.
- Studies show the air in a commercial plane is recirculated 20 to 30 times per hour. So, in 2-3 minutes, your suffering should be over
- Planes are equipped with HEPA (High Efficiency Particulate Air) filters, which catch 99.9% of particles, such as bacteria, funghi, bigger viruses, and medium to coarse fart-icles, containing flying fart dust and fecal matter.
Cons:
- Every once in a while, some dick will rip one while walking down the aisle, effectively crop-dusting a huge percentage of the losers sitting in coach.
- While there is a low level of humidity on a plane, you are still trapped in a small space, buckled in to your seat, and having to eat that dry fart until it goes away.
- Our airliners only provide 6 to 10 cubic feet of fresh air per minute. So, it’s the same farty air being recirculated in the cabin over and over. By contrast, in the cockpit, the pilots get up to 50 cubic feet of fresh air per minute. Before you start bitching about this, this is for your safety. After all, everybody knows how bad pilot farts can be, with their travel schedules, limited sleep, and terrible diets consisting mainly of Cinnabon and Starbucks coffee. When the co-pilot does rip one, which is inevitable, don’t you feel better knowing the pilot is getting a ton of fresh air to keep him awake, alert, and alive?
- While 99.9% of particles are trapped in the filter, the remaining .1% gets recirculated. And, while .1% is a very small number, .1% of a truly heinous fart can still be much more fart than you want to inhale on the red-eye to Bangkok. (Hehehee….that’s a great phrase….”red-eye to Bangkok”…classic stuff)
To learn more, I suggest you conduct your own experiments by dropping tremendous amounts of ass on every flight you take between now and 2087. Be sure to follow our great fart diet tips as well. This will ensure future generations have all the data they need to research this important topic!
***the few actual facts in this article come courtesy of Frommer's Travel
Tags: Fart science
This is exhaserbated by the fact that as the plain gains altitude the cabin pressure falls until the plane reaches 6,000 MSL, at which point cabin presser is maintained. Nonetheless, the drop in cabin pressure only increases the pressure gradient acrosss the anus, thus making the fart’s expulsion compulsory.
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make it more appropriate for kids or else thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! youll fart your heads off so u better i can see u hahahhahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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