As a follow-up to our recent Farts on a Plane post, a visitor E-mailed a link to this article about preventing farting when flying.  It looks like the article is published by the folks at Beano, but I can’t tell for sure.

Anyway, some of the “brilliant” advice provided:

• hold them in
• Fart before boarding
• go to the lav on the plane and fart in there

As you can see, much of their advice is pretty lame.  There are a couple of great nuggets in the article, however. 

My favorite is their suggestion to ask the flight attendant to be moved to an empty section of the plane because you have gas.  That’ll go over well.  Half the time I fly, I’m embarassed to ask for a blanket…now, I’m supposed to tell them that I’ve been crop dusting the great plains from a cruising altitude of 36,000 feet, and ask them to move me down to the cargo hold???  

The other pointer I love is when they suggest you simply apologize to the people sitting in your “fart radius”.  Another strategic home run!   Maybe they could just have the pilot do an announcement from the cockpit:  “Down to the left, you can see the Grand Canyon…and, if you’re sitting in rows 24 through 32, look to your right at the douchebag in seat 28F…he just ripped 28 farts in the last 400 miles, and more are sure to come.  Please excuse him…”

If you fart on a plane, do NOT light a match to cover the smell!

Whatever you decide to do, don’t follow the lead of this farting genious, who decided to light a match to conceal her farts on a flight from DC to Dallas.  The plane had to make an emergency landing, and she’s now on American Airlines official “Shart list”.  She won’t be flying the friendly skies for a long time!