Lots of air in this effort. Not alot of style points, but it is obvious that this young man has the proper diet regimen required to stand out in a crowd. Because of all the air, this is sure to be a real stinkeroo!!! Lesson of the week: The reason there are so many SBD farts is that when alot of gassy air comes out (which is what makes the fart smell) it is sometimes difficult to get good sound; conversely, when you get good sound, it is usually tough to release enough gas to singe nostril hair. This sounds like a pretty good combo and I’ll give it a 6. Not a bad fart, and the most important thing is that he tried.
Posts Tagged ‘fart sounds’
Fart Review #1
Monday, November 9th, 2009Fartalyzer Prototype
Thursday, November 5th, 2009Inspired by breathalyzer technology, two college students at Cornell University have devised a fart detection device that measures three key fart variables: smell, sound and temperature. Robert Clain and Miguel Silas recently presented the device in their class, and got a very nice write up on the Popular Science website.
The Real Fart Machine???
I’m very happy for these guys, and proud of their work. This is a great start. Other fart attributes I’d like to see measured in the future are top speed, SBD Ratio, density, and half-life. While these shouldn’t need an explanation to most true fart fans and connisseurs, I’m doing this in the interest of education of the masses.
- Top Speed – The article in Popular Science implies that temperature of the fart is the only factor in how fast a fart will travel. That is blatant over-simplification. Other internal factors include the thrust of the fart, the chemical compisition, and the downright bad intent of the farter. External factors, include room temperature (a hot environment will lead to faster spreading), humidity (high humidity will slow down the spread of a fart), and barometric pressure (don’t ask me what the hell this is, but I just hear about it on the weather report along with temperature and humidity, so figure it sounds good here). Other external factors that impact fart speed include whether the farter was stationary or moving (and if so, how fast and whether they were going forwards or backwards), if there was any “top-spin” or “side-spin” on the fart, and how much wafting (if any) is done by either the farter, or the victims.
- SBD (Silent but Deadly) Ratio – pretty self-explanitory, really. This is a ratio of the stench to the volume. SBD ratios of greater than .83 are considered very rare, but have been recorded in labratory conditions.
- Density – We’ve all experienced some farts that just seem “denser” than others. Lots of farts smell bad, but a precious few can make the victim feel suffocated. That is the quality of density as experienced by the victim…suffocation.
- Half-Life – How long does the fart linger? How quickly does it dissipate? Again, some farts seem to linger forever, others dissipate rather quickly as pointed out by Warden Norton in “Shawshank Redemption” when he discovered Tim Robbins character had escaped “like a fart in the wind”.
Those are a few new features that can perhaps be added in Fartalyzer 2.0 by our boys from Cornell. But, for now, they have already performed groundbreaking work in the field of windbreaking. Thanks fellas!
Quick Fart Questions
Monday, October 26th, 2009Wow….lots of mail lately!!!! Some of your letters do not require a long, drawn-out, verbose, extensive, wordy, repetitive, redundant, repetative, redundant answer. So, I have decided this week to feature “Dr. Rex’s Mailbag”. These are some letters that do not require a long, drawn-out, verbose, extensive, wordy, repetitive, redundant, repetative, redundant answer. So, I have decided this week to feature “Dr. Rex’s Mailbag”. Remember, this is in the interest of saving time and bandwidth. In the interest of saving time and bandwidth, I have decided this week to feature “Dr. Rex’s Mailbag”. These are some letters that do not require a long, drawn-out, verbose, extensive, wordy, repetitive, redundant, repetative, redundant answer. OK, OK, here goes:
Q: hi when i fart they are all silent but vilent! how do i make the sounds that come with the fart?
A: Try getting a sound card and some speakers. An inexpensive set-up can run just under $100.
Q: I was kind of wondering why it is when you are holding in a fart and you bend down or squat, why do you loose the pressure you have been exerting?-Bob & friends
A: The reason you lose the pressure is because the fart escapes. Next time, listen carefully.
Q: It is true that farting does actually clean your colon?-Karl
A: No, Karl, farting does not clean my colon. Each Wednesday, a guy named Walter comes in and cleans my colon. He uses pipe cleaners and a wire brush. Walter is underpaid.
Q: aren’t you ashamed of yourself? Does your mother know what you are doing?- Brian
A: Our mothers actually think this is pretty cool-is your mom just uptight?
Q: A safety tip for novice fart lighters: after a session of fart lighting, if the holes in your underwear are larger than dime-size, you are holding the flame too close to your ass.-Bob
A: Not actually a question, Bob, but you make a good point.
Q: dear dr,rex,why is it that every time i do a headstand or someone stands on my stomach i fart?Also why do those big mac farts come when you’re with someone important.-Geoff
A: Geoff, I think you need to give up your career as an acrobat in the circus, or maybe just change your diet while on the road.