OK, all well and good.  But, in doing research, it seems that people with vegitarian or vegan diets tend to fart much more than people with a balanced diet, including meat.  Because of the extra cellulose and various complex sugars contained in legumes and vegitables, some studies indicate that vegitarians might produce 50-100% more gas daily than omnivoires.

Looks like we’re damned if we do and damned if we don’t.   So, might as well have a good steak, rip a few farts, and enjoy the ride…and, when the next study comes out, we can come up with some more knee-jerk reactions and modify behavior appropriately.

For years, we’ve been hearing stories about cow farts being a major contributor to climate change and global warming.  It has been argued that farting cows release a large amount of methane into our atmosphere.  And, with methane being such a “strong” greenhouse gas, it’s impact is much greater than CO2 on a unit by unit basis.

Now, it’s being reported that sheep burps are an even bigger factor than cow farts.  The recent study, headed up by John Goopy (you can’t make this stuff up), indicates that the vast majority of Australia’s agricultural gasseous emmissions come from burps.

“There’s not very much passed out the animal’s anus at all,” said Goopy

What could I possibly say after a quote like that?  Read more about the sheep burps here.

heheheeee…..”GOOPY”

British economist Nicholas Stern is considered by many to be an authority on climate change, and he advocates vegeterain diets for everybody. By going veggie, the argument is that there will be fewer cows on the planet releasing methane into the atmosphere with their farts. According to studies, every cc of methane released into the environment has as much impact as 23 cc’s of CO2.

It’s definitely a touchy subject…touchy and smelly.

I, for one, like a good cheeseburger. And, without cows, a cheeseburger would just be a hamburger bun. Going vegetarian is pretty radical for most of us. While it can be argued that radical times call for radical measures, most people probably just don’t want to change.

Whether it’s the car you drive, the food you eat, or just enjoying silly traditions like Christmas lights, or putting tons of gift-wrapping on birthday presents, most of us do things regularly that are probably bad for the environment.

Bummer, huh?

The answer is “No, this is not the same Fart Machine that people use for practical jokes”…this is the one that’s supposed to save the planet.  The other one is to embarass your friends and co-workers.  The Fart Machine prank is a true classic, so the jury is still out on which is a more valuable invention to soceity.

This Fart Machine is NOT a prank!

OK, we’ve all been there…30,000 feet, and somebody nearby rips one.  And, it stinks.  And, you’re basically stuck living in it for the 5 to 60 seconds it takes to dissipate.  And, you’re wondering to yourself, “why did this guy basically just crap himself in the middle of this flying test-tube???”

Samuel L. Jackson assumes farting position.  Notice how all other passengers have cleared out!

Here’s the real truth about farts on a plane.

Pros:

• Statistically, most of the farts are ripped when people are sitting.  This limits “fart mobility”, and also the “waft factor”
• Planes have a very low level of humidity.  This helps the fart disappate quickly.  If you’ve ever farted in a hot shower, or sauna, you know how high levels of humidity can turn a run-of-the-mill fart into Mt. Vesuvius and Three Mile Island all rolled into one.
• Studies show the air in a commercial plane is recirculated 20 to 30 times per hour.  So, in 2-3 minutes, your suffering should be over
• Planes are equipped with HEPA (High Efficiency Particulate Air) filters, which catch 99.9% of particles, such as bacteria, funghi, bigger viruses, and medium to coarse fart-icles, containing flying fart dust and fecal matter.

Cons:

• Every once in a while, some dick will rip one while walking down the aisle, effectively crop-dusting a huge percentage of the losers sitting in coach.
• While there is a low level of humidity on a plane, you are still trapped in a small space, buckled in to your seat, and having to eat that dry fart until it goes away.
• Our airliners only provide 6 to 10 cubic feet of fresh air per minute.  So, it’s the same farty air being recirculated in the cabin over and over.  By contrast, in the cockpit, the pilots get up to 50 cubic feet of fresh air per minute.  Before you start bitching about this, this is for your safety.  After all, everybody knows how bad pilot farts can be, with their travel schedules, limited sleep, and terrible diets consisting mainly of Cinnabon and Starbucks coffee.  When the co-pilot does rip one, which is inevitable, don’t you feel better knowing the pilot is getting a ton of fresh air to keep him awake, alert, and alive?
• While 99.9% of particles are trapped in the filter, the remaining .1% gets recirculated.  And, while .1% is a very small number, .1% of a truly heinous fart can still be much more fart than you want to inhale on the red-eye to Bangkok.  (Hehehee….that’s a great phrase….”red-eye to Bangkok”…classic stuff)

To learn more, I suggest you conduct your own experiments by dropping tremendous amounts of ass on every flight you take between now and 2087.  Be sure to follow our great fart diet tips as well.  This will ensure future generations have all the data they need to research this important topic!

***the few actual facts in this article come courtesy of Frommer's Travel