November 8th, 2009
Fart story submitted in July, 1996:
I was in English class one day during my senior year of high school. Our classroom was located directly above the school cafeteria, so the smell of what we were having for lunch that day often permeated the room. We often tried to guess what we were having for lunch each day by the smell of the food.
I had English just before the first lunch period. (My high school was so large that we had three lunch peroids) I had ate a mess of spaghetti the night before, and I went to school on an empty stomach that day. My gut was in a knot, and I had gas all that day. I let an S.B.D. fart that gave an interesting aroma to the section of the classroom that I was sitting in.
A girl that was sitting behind me sniffed several times, and she said to me “Umm! I think that we are having spaghetti for lunch. It sure smells good.”. David A., North Carolina
Tags: fart diet, fart foods, fart smell, fart stories
Posted in Jokes & Stories | No Comments »
November 7th, 2009
This was submitted to us back in March of 1998:
We used to have a typical, traditional Christmas at home. Food, drink, and party games. We were playing charades and it was my brother’s turn. He “camera” motion, and we all guessed ..”MOVIE”, right.Then he held up four fingers. “FOUR WORDS”, right.Then he farted and left the room. My father managed to exclaim “GONE WITH THE WIND” before we all rolled around laughing till we cried – and not just from the smell… Rick
Tags: fart games, fart story, funny farts
Posted in Jokes & Stories | 1 Comment »
November 5th, 2009
Inspired by breathalyzer technology, two college students at Cornell University have devised a fart detection device that measures three key fart variables: smell, sound and temperature. Robert Clain and Miguel Silas recently presented the device in their class, and got a very nice write up on the Popular Science website.
The Real Fart Machine???
I’m very happy for these guys, and proud of their work. This is a great start. Other fart attributes I’d like to see measured in the future are top speed, SBD Ratio, density, and half-life. While these shouldn’t need an explanation to most true fart fans and connisseurs, I’m doing this in the interest of education of the masses.
- Top Speed – The article in Popular Science implies that temperature of the fart is the only factor in how fast a fart will travel. That is blatant over-simplification. Other internal factors include the thrust of the fart, the chemical compisition, and the downright bad intent of the farter. External factors, include room temperature (a hot environment will lead to faster spreading), humidity (high humidity will slow down the spread of a fart), and barometric pressure (don’t ask me what the hell this is, but I just hear about it on the weather report along with temperature and humidity, so figure it sounds good here). Other external factors that impact fart speed include whether the farter was stationary or moving (and if so, how fast and whether they were going forwards or backwards), if there was any “top-spin” or “side-spin” on the fart, and how much wafting (if any) is done by either the farter, or the victims.
- SBD (Silent but Deadly) Ratio – pretty self-explanitory, really. This is a ratio of the stench to the volume. SBD ratios of greater than .83 are considered very rare, but have been recorded in labratory conditions.
- Density – We’ve all experienced some farts that just seem “denser” than others. Lots of farts smell bad, but a precious few can make the victim feel suffocated. That is the quality of density as experienced by the victim…suffocation.
- Half-Life – How long does the fart linger? How quickly does it dissipate? Again, some farts seem to linger forever, others dissipate rather quickly as pointed out by Warden Norton in “Shawshank Redemption” when he discovered Tim Robbins character had escaped “like a fart in the wind”.
Those are a few new features that can perhaps be added in Fartalyzer 2.0 by our boys from Cornell. But, for now, they have already performed groundbreaking work in the field of windbreaking. Thanks fellas!
Tags: fart machine, Fart science, fart sounds, Fart Volume, silent but deadly
Posted in General Fart Stuff | No Comments »
