Dear Dr. Rex:
Please help,
My trouble is that I can do pretty damn good farts but….. I NEED more volume !!!! Is there any positions that you know which will help me with my performance !??! Is there a tecnique in forcing them out ??! Should I push hard and hold my butt cheeks apart or what !?!? Yours Faithfully,
Steve (The Fart King)
Dear Steve,
I wonder aloud how you can call yourself “The Fart King” with a simple question like this. Anyway, there are a few keys to volume. Since I do not know all the details of your problem, I must ask you some questions which will help me answer your plea for help.
One of the factors that impacts the volume of an individual fart is the amount of gas expelled. Are you eating the proper foods? Do you have enough gas to create the desired volume. A good test is this: How long do your top-quality SBD’s last? If you can let a good SBD go that lasts more than one second, you are working with enough gas to get the job done (I know it doesn’t sound very long, but use a stopwatch and you will see that it is). The reason for this is that the volume of gas needed to produce a one second SBD is usually enough for a 3 to 5 second ripper (this is due to the math I explained in a previous question entitled “The Fart Equation”).
Another thing to consider is the size of your butt-cheeks. If you are skinny, bony, slim, lanky, tall, slender, svelte, thin, athletic, emaciated, trim, gangly, gaunt, wiry or any combination of these, producing volume may again be more difficult. The worst combinations tend to be “slanky”, “bangly”, and “svaunt”.
The last thing to consider is position. You need to find a position where the dirty air needs to force it’s way through said butt-cheeks to get out, without being stifled. Everybody is different in this category. The best position for one can result in stifling or worse for another. Keep experimenting and you will find your groove. Keep us posted!
Tags: fart advice, Fart Volume